Wednesday, 11 June 2014

Young and Naive : I Choose to Believe!

The past several weeks have been rather challenging for me and with the things that I find I am hitting in the spirit, it is difficult to not to 'retailiate' back.  (Not altogether successful I might add).
I have been praying and asking The Lord for a long time now to 'open my eyes so that I would see' and now that prayer is being answered, but perhaps not in the way I had hoped but I know that it is good for me as it will grow me more in The Lord.

Years ago I got called 'young and naive', words I have never forgotten as it made me look at myself and question if I was.  I have just today realised again that I am and want to continue to be. In fact I pray that I will remain young and naive in my spirit, that I remain childlike all the days of my life in faith toward God.  To me this morning young and naive showed me that it was a place that I believed in what the Word says.  I believe we can have a christian society where we love one another, forgive one another, don't judge one another, where we can serve and love others above ourselves.  A world where I believe that we can have a community of believers that provide for each other in times of need.  A community of believers that don't just attract people who they like or are similar but one in which we see a cross section of people from all different walks of life, living and loving together.  I believe God is my Father and as such is my provider, not man.  I believe we can have relationship with my enemies in such a way we can lie down together and if that means that I am young and naive then praise God!

Why my eyes are being opened is that I am realising that there are very few people who not only believe it with their head but also in their heart and in their actions and it makes me cry as I am seeing a body of people fighting for their rights, walking away when offense is given or it gets too difficult and not willing to work it through, giving something to somebody but actually in their hearts expecting something in return and when they don't get back what they give then they hold it against people and withhold in the future.  My eyes are being opened to the state of the bride of Christ and I cry, I cry for a people who will not humble themselves to one another, let alone God.  I cry because I see broken relationships and hardness of heart and I cry because I find myself becoming the very thing that I don't want to become because of how people are not treating me as I would treat them.
As I open my heart to them and share the very depths of everything of me, and yet others withhold their heart to you and then use what you have given them in your vunerability and trust, against you.

And I cry out to The Lord and I say Lord what do I do with this.  I want my heart kept soft, I want to remain childlike and yet He is answering my question in my eyes being opened.  It makes me cry and if it makes me cry and I only see a bit, how does God handle it?

And then he reminds of of His son on the cross crying out "Father forgive them for they do not know what they do".  Oh how I need more love, more unconditional love, how I need more of His love in me in such a way that His mercy, his patience, His long suffering, His forbearance, His grace is sooooo abounding.  I don't want to be hardened in my heart and yet it is so easy to become like that when people use you, when people abuse you or misunderstand you and judge you, and yet in Hebrews 3:12  "See to it brothers and sisters that none of you has a sinful unbelieving heart that turns away from the living God.  But encourage one another daily as long as it is called today so that none of you may be hardened by sins deceitfulness.  We have come to share in Christ if indeed we hold our original conviction firmly to the end."

And once again I am taken back to the cross and His mercy poured out for me, His love poured out for me, His paitence poured out for me, His very life poured out for me which gives me strength to keep going, to keep loving as He loves, to keep  believing in my thinking, to keep hoping for a bride that will love as He loves, that will forgive as He forgives, that will pour out their lives for the unlovely as He did and once again I surrender it all at the cross and give it to Jesus and so turn my eyes back to him and not at the things that take my eye away from being 'young and naive' , childlike in Him.  He is faith, hope and love and without these we have nothing.  I choose to believe by faith, in hope and in love for a bride, beautiful and shining, walking in unity, in restoration, in reconciliation, in surrender and giving to one another.  I choose to believe!