What is it you want?
I want everything! I want nothing less! I want the fullness of God made manifest in and through me where nations are healed and come to the full saving knowledge of God. I want like Peter who carried the presence of God in such a way where people were healed as he walked past them. I want to walk like Stephen waiting tables where miracles happened as he waited tables, and then under persecution would shine like Jesus, as stoned to death. How much do I want it? How much I am willing to sacrifice to get it?
I have seen some of this but I want to see more.
Recently we have been coming under persecution and the Lord said to me "Sarah, what did you pray for?" and so like Smith Wigglesworth who held meetings where Pastors would walk out, who was not altogether liked for his 'style of ministry' but was known as the "Apostle of Faith", liked much better after death than life at times. The Lord reminded me - Sarah what did you pray for?
I keep thinking lately of the scripture in Matt 11:7 "What did you go out into the desert to see? A reed swayed by the wind? If not, what did you go out to see? A man dressed in fine clothes? No, those who wear fine clothes are in kings palaces. Then what did you go out to see? A prophet? Yes, I tell you and more than a prophet?"
What are we looking for? Are we looking for signs and wonders or are we looking for Jesus made manifest, where signs and wonders followed those who believe. It has to be Jesus! - 1 John 1:5 God is light; in him there is no darkness at all. If we claim to have fellowship with him yet walk in darkness we lie and do not live by the truth".
Kathryn Khulman a woman known as one of God's generals and "The Woman who believed in Miracles" would cry out "whatever you do do not hurt the The Holy Spirit". I am coming to understand a depth of this cry that I have never had before. When you grieve the Holy Spirit he cannot work. You don't give him permission to come and take over. You limit all he can do and wants to do in you and through you.
Eph 4:17-31 is a wonderful passage of how we are to live as Children of the Light and in not grieving the Holy Spirit - really worth a read, it is powerful.
When we grieve the Holy Spirit we miss out on so much that the Lord wants to give us and do through us. When we hold onto sin, whatever shape that takes, unforgiveness, judgement, offenses etc it hinders the Holy Spirit coming in fullness because actually we are walking in darkness. We need to humble ourselves unto the Lord and unto each other and allow God's healing, forgiveness and strength to come into our lives.
Is our want of all of Jesus in our lives and those around us higher than our want for the sin in our lives that we hold onto. Is our desire for the blessing of God to be on our lives in such a way that we have favour wherever we walk? If so, then fantastic because God will give you the desire of your heart - but it may not look how you want it to look, but in that there is fullness of joy that surpasses understanding!
If not then that too is okay - just ask the Lord to do it in you, to make his desires your desires, his heart your heart. You cannot make yourself passionate for God, he first has to put it in you. You cannot do it, but you can ask the Lord to do it in you and allow him however that looks to work it in and through you. Just in the process don't forget your prayer as I was reminded the other day - Sarah isn't this what you prayed for? When it doesn't happen how you expect.
When you walk in the light as he is in the light, the darkness has to flee. We have darkness in our lives but when confronted with the light we realise our sin and we can either run from it or chose to bring it into the light where there is no shame, no condemnation, just healing and forgiveness and then the fullness of life where it brings life wherever it goes.
I want to be a channel for the river of the Holy Spirit to flow through me in fullness, not half measure and in this have to come to him daily and ask him, Lord show me if there are things that are hindering the fullness of you flowing through me. I want to have full fellowship with him and with others in openness and truth in such a way that the light shines out of me convicting others of their own sinfulness that leads to repentance without me having to say a word because the Holy Spirit is speaking through me. I want to see Nations turn toward God and how can that happen unless I first turn to him.
Eph 5:1 "Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God"
